


Under Pressure

by Revever



Series: Crathie [5]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 19:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10815432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revever/pseuds/Revever
Summary: In which Belle has to go back to London earlier than planned. No one is happy about that and old hurts flare up. May Gaston's hair turn green and his drawers be stuck for causing this.





	1. Chapter 1

 

* * *

 

 

The time was flying and before Belle knew it was the end of October, a week before Halloween.

Gaston, with unusual stubbornness, demanded her to be in London for the office party. Really, as if Halloween in Scottish Highlands wasn’t so much more interesting! Belle demanded a reason, after all, it wouldn’t be the first office party she skipped for the sake of traveling. But she got none.

She only hoped that Gaston didn’t get into his head that she became unprofessional just because she decided to write some twelve articles on roughly the same subject of Scottish Highlands. They were excellent articles, thank you very much.

Nevertheless, she needed to pack up a whole week earlier than she needed for her planned trip to Spain. This way, she wouldn’t be back in Crathie sooner than at the beginning of December. It sucked.

It didn’t help that her throat hurt and she wasn’t sure if it’s because of incoming cold or because of trying to reason with or threaten Gaston for a good hour on the phone.

Now however she needed to break the news to Robert. She knew he would be disappointed, apparently he and Bae had the whole Halloween planned just to show her as much of the traditions as possible. She could easily imagined that Robert never took a big part in the village celebrations and as she understood, Bae usually spent the evening with Emma in her own village. This year was supposed to be different and here we go, office party. She almost decided that she’s not going anyway, but then Gaston threatened to have his father involved and this was just not fair. But fair or not, she had to go.

They were meeting for a walk this afternoon and then for a dinner, which she regularly had at Robert’s home not at Granny’s. Walking briskly, she arrived at his shop just when he put out the lights. They had about an hour to sunset, a reasonable time for a walk in the cold but fresh and delicious air.

Robert smiled when she entered and she just couldn’t spoil a smile so radiant. She allowed him to pull her in for a kiss, then waited until they were on the road out of the village before broaching the difficult subject.

Then she couldn’t pretend any more than everything is alright and she didn’t know how he knew before she even turned to him, but he was already looking at her with anxious, wide eyes.

‘Belle, what is it?’

‘I got a call from Gaston,’ she said unhappily, coughing a little because of her still sore throat.

‘And?...’ he squeezed her hand a little stronger.

‘He wants me to go back to London a week earlier, so I attend to the office Halloween party. And I have to go.’

‘Oh...’ he exhaled, looking suddenly not at her but straight ahead, frowning.

‘He threatened to broach the subject with his father, the owner, if I don’t comply. It’s unfair,’ she finished. ‘How can he threaten me like that when he can’t even gave me a reason he wants me there! I’m not his call girl!’

She realized that she sounded rather pathetic and hysterical, but she didn’t really care. She was miserable, cold, and she just had to bend under an unfair force display.

‘I... I’m sorry he treated you like that.’

Instead of replying she coughed again. Just wonderful!

‘Sweetheart?... Are you alright?’

‘Yes, of course, just a sore throat,’ she replied testily. ‘Another unfair thing sent by the universe, and it wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to talk to Gaston so long in hope of beating some reason into his head.’

‘Then maybe we should go straight home? I’ll make you tea.’

‘Okay, that sounds good.’

Hopefully, Bae would be busy upstairs and they could be alone until the dinner. Belle adored Bae, but right now, she wanted just Robert.

‘Then let’s go,’ Robert started to walk quicker. ‘Belle?’

‘I’m coming. I’m just disappointed, why did it have to happen now? Bae would be so disappointed too!’

‘I know,’ Robert sighed. ‘But it’s not like everything can be perfect.’

Belle frowned, because that seemed far too conciliatory for her.

‘Still, people should try,’ she grumbled, wishing Gaston to have a sudden itching rash all over his body. ‘We all deserve to be treated good and fair, and is it that much to make that effort?’

Robert didn’t answer, just throw her a somewhat panicked look.

‘What do you think?’ she prompted.

‘I... yes, absolutely.’

‘I asked what you think, not just to agree with me.’

She tried to say it in a much calmer way but rather failed at that. She felt a surge of irritation on herself for this, but on the other hand, Robert should be able to withstand some negative mood on her part.

‘Well, I think it’s difficult,’ he said finally, in a quiet voice. ’Whether you try for perfection for yourself or for others. And whether you try it because you want it or because someone tells you to.′

‘I meant only Gaston, you know that, right?’ she said quickly.

‘Yes,’ he sighed. ‘See, we’re almost home. I’ll make you a tea with honey, okay? It will help your throat.’

It was a blatant try for changing the topic, but Belle allowed it somewhat gratefully. She felt too riled up to listen patiently. She needed to manage her own anger first.

In precisely that moment her phone chimed. She pulled it out, cringing when she saw a text from Ariel.

‘Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!’ she exclaimed reading.

‘Sweetheart?’

‘My friend from the journal just texted me that I’m supposed to do another series of articles based on a trip that we had in the spring. Apparently the first round was so good that they want more.’

‘That’s good, right? That it was so good?’

‘Do you have any idea how long it would take to write? I didn’t even finish the last one about Highlands!’

He threw her another panicked look and turned to open the door. They went in and pulled off their clothes in a complete silence.

‘Is there any way I can help you?’ he asked timidly when they made their way to the kitchen.

‘No, not with the writing,’ she sighed, suddenly feeling very tired. She plopped on the chair observing Robert preparing the tea. She loved to watch him doing such simple kitchen chores, he managed to do it like they were some mysterious arcana of alchemy. ‘Than you,’ she smiled, when he put the tea in front of her. ‘It smells divine.’

He reddened a little under the praise.

‘How is your throat, Belle?’

‘Oh, don’t worry, I certainly had much worse.’

He nodded shortly and looked away, fidgeting.

‘Robert?’

‘Yes? What can I do for you?’

‘Nothing, it’s okay. Just look at me.’

She took his hand and he managed to smile. Was he afraid she would be as angry at him as she was at Gaston?

‘I’m not angry at you, Robert,’ she said aloud, just in case. ‘I’m angry at the whole world and at Gaston especially. May his hair turn green.’

Robert finally laughed at that.

‘I’m sorry, Belle,’ he explained shyly. ‘I just felt like I should do something for you, since I am fine, but didn’t know what... Milah would be angry at me for not helping. For not suffering along her too.’

‘I’m not angry at you. You can help me think of some more creative curses to befall Gaston.’

‘Okay,’ he smiled tentatively. ‘May... may all his pens leak ink on important papers?’

‘Oh, good!’ Belle exclaimed and enjoying Robert’s bashful expression. ‘Hmm, may his drawers all be stuck.’

‘And may his printers be likewise.’

‘And may his favorite shirt got unwashable stains on it.’

‘And may his favorite tie got cut off.’

They amused themselves for a good ten minutes until both were laughing aloud and the atmosphere got much lighter. They Robert applied himself to making a dinner, though Belle was content to just observe him some more. She actually took her phone and recorded him for the time when she wouldn’t be able to watch him in person.

* * *

‘You won’t be here?...’ Bae whined hearing about Belle’s office party.

‘Now, Bae,’ Robert said gently. ‘Belle needs to be at work.’

‘I would so much prefer to be here with you and your papa, sweetheart,’ Belle said. ‘I so regret that I can’t.’

Bae sniffed, obviously trying not to cry. Robert embraced him gently and the boy quickly hid his face on his papa’s shoulder.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Belle sighed.

‘It’s okay, Belle. I’m sure we would make up for it when you’re back.’

‘Of course. We’ll have a wonderful time when I’m back.’

‘Do you hear, Bae? There would be so much to do when Belle gets back.’

‘But it’s a whole month and it won’t be Halloween,’ Bae mumbled into Robert’s jacket.

‘I know, sweetie. But it still will be so much fun, I promise.’

Slowly, Bae allowed himself to be persuaded to eat the dinner in a relative calm. After that however, he wanted to go upstairs immediately, not trying to persuade Robert for as much time before curfew to spend with Belle as possible.

Belle threw a concerned glance at Robert, but didn’t say anything and let him take Bae upstairs. She just hoped that whatever Robert would tell his son would be effective in cheering him up. Robert appeared back after a good fifteen minutes.

‘How is he?’

‘As good as can be...’ Robert sighed, sitting down next to her on the sofa. ‘We will be both missing you.’

‘I’ll be missing you too.’ Belle wrapped her arms around Robert’s middle, hugging him hard. ‘I promise to call and write.’

* * *

The dinner next day went better in regards of Bae, but not that good in regards of Belle’s sore throat. She pushed her food around the plate, cursing Gaston in her head. There was a very thin possibility that in two days when she was supposed to leave, her throat would be fine again. More likely, she would be forced to endure the additional discomfort on the road. She wondered if she could use it as an excuse to not go...

‘Belle...’

She looked up to meet Robert’s anxious stare. Bae also looked at her curiously.

‘What?’

‘Y-you’re not eating.’

‘My throat hurts,’ she reminded him. ‘It’s unpleasant to swallow anything.’

Robert was looking at her with a distressed eyes. But Bae quickly chimed in:

‘Papa makes a great honey tea for that!’

‘Yes, that's true, he made me one yesterday.’

‘I’ll make you one again!...’ Robert exclaimed and quickly got up, leaving half-eaten dinner.

‘Robert, you don’t have...’

But he was already in the kitchen and Belle certainly wasn’t about to shout after him. Instead she concentrated on eating her dinner when it was still warm. Robert’s collops and clapshot were delicious and despite sore throat she wanted to eat them, especially considering that for the next month she would have to go without his cooking.

When Robert returned with her tea, she looked at him apologetically.

‘I’m sorry, you didn’t have to leave your dinner just to make me a tea...’

‘It’s okay,’ he cut in. ‘It’s okay. Bae, have you eaten? Then why won’t you go upstairs to play? Belle doesn’t feel well.’

Bae considered it for a moment, then nodded.

‘Call me when you’ll be leaving, Belle?’

‘Sure, Bae,’ she croaked. At first she wanted to protest that Bae can stay with them, but it wouldn’t be smart to share her cold with him. Also, she wanted Robert alone with her now.

She drank her tea slowly, when Robert took the dishes to the kitchen. When he returned, he gave her the same anxious look.

‘Robert?’

‘Ah?’

He was fidgeting on his chair. What that Milah did to him?

‘Thank you for the tea. It helps.’

He nodded.

‘I shouldn’t have to talk with Gaston for the whole hour with the window open. At least it wasn’t opened all the way, but I was so warmed up with the adrenaline that I didn’t even think...’ She shook her head. Hopefully this would show him that this was her fault and a normal, human thing, not something he needed to be anxious about. ‘I should have been smarter than that.’

‘No, sweetheart...’ he sounded pleading. ‘It’s not your fault.’

‘Robert, it’s not your fault either,’ she said quickly, not liking his tone. ‘And your tea helped, really.’

‘I know, I know,’ he said quickly, forcing a smile.

‘But I see that something is wrong. Robert? I...’ she paused to cough and curse Gaston and Granny’s windows. It felt like she was about to spit up her lungs, however cliche that sounded.

‘Belle?!’ Robert reached for her hand with both his.

‘I’m fine,’ she smiled at him, trying to manage the annoying tingling behind her tongue as if she just inhaled feathers. ‘It will pass. It’s nothing.’

‘Y-you don’t have to...’ he said hesitantly. ‘You can be sick. I mean, it’s okay, you don’t have to be strong all the time...’

He was looking at her with a silent plead, and Belle felt lost. She also felt ill and unable to decipher his anxioussness. 

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Just what I said...’ he said as if the words pained him. ‘You don’t have to be strong and brave all the time. Maybe I should call Victor? Our GP?’

‘No need, but thank you.’ Belle smiled at him, trying to convey her gratitude. ‘You’re so sweet and kind to me... Robert?’

Now he looked like he was going to cry. Whatever was going on in his head was far too quick and complicated for her.

‘Robert, what’s the matter?’ she demanded. ‘You need to tell me if something is wrong, if I’m doing something wrong.’

‘I’m sorry...’ he whispered, blanching, then took a deep breath, visibly withdrawing himself. ‘I... I think you should go home, to Granny’s I mean, lie down. Sleep. Come, I’ll drive you.’

He got up and Belle, completely bewildered, followed him.

‘Robert...’

‘Don’t say anything, please.’ He sounded so serious, despite almost whispering. ‘I’ll explain to Bae that you didn’t feel well enough...’

Belle allowed for that, seeing as tomorrow they were all supposed to meet again before her departure on the morning the day after.

‘Robert, what is going on?’ she tried to ask him again when they were in the car. He sighed, when she put her hand on his on the wheel.

‘I... I don’t know.’

She could clearly see that it was a lie.

‘Robert...’

He started the car and took off with such a speed that Belle for a moment felt breathless.

‘Promise me you’ll take care of yourself?’ he said finally.

‘Of course... But it really is nothing, a simple sore throat. I've had much worse. And I told you how I got this, I guess I deserve that for what I’ve done.’

He shook his head. Then he stopped the car, not very gently, before the bed and breakfast.

‘Okay, Robert. We’ll see each other tomorrow.’ Belle sighed and decided to give it some time. Whatever was going on, maybe it just needed some distance and cooling off the emotions. She squeezed his hand and, a bit hurt that he didn’t made a move to kiss her, got out of the car.

When he left, she looked after his car until it disappeared completely, despite her damned throat.


	2. Chapter 2

Belle was woken up by the shrill of her cell phone. That is, normally it would be a pleasant Disney's Beauty and the Beast ringtone. But when it was still dark and her throat was still sore, it was a shrill. She was going to murder Gaston on that office party, especially if it was him calling.

She blindly reached for the annoying thing, squinting to see the caller's ID.

It was Robert's home phone.

And it was almost midnight.

'Hello?' she answered anxiously. They didn't part in good spirits, in fact it was easily their worst parting ever. Poor guy must have beaten himself about it to no end.

'Belle?...'

For a moment her mind were blank, but then she recognized Bae in the whispering, childish voice.

'Sweetie, what happened?'

'I think papa is sick. Veeery sick! Belle, can you come? Please!'

'What exactly happened?'

'Will you come?'

'Bae, tell me.'

'But will you come?'

'Yes, now tell me what is wrong with your papa,' Belle demanded, losing her patience. She already got up and started to gather her clothes.

'He closed himself in his room and I think he's crying. He's sad,' Bae admitted. 'But you still come?'

'Yes, of course,' Belle sad down on the bed with a thud. 'Gods! You don't need to scary me into coming.'

Bae sighed with relief audibly.

'That's good,' he said pragmatically, and Belle blushed. Indeed, if anything really happened, she was still the only person in Crathie that would come. Bae's not so little exaggeration was sort of justified. Hopefully, just in case, this GP Victor was different. He wasn't from Crathie for example.

'Did you try to talk to your papa?' Belle asked.

'He told me it's fine and I shouldn't worry.'

Of course he did. Belle felt silly for asking.

'I woke up and I heard him crying. So I sneaked out and I already had your number written just in case...'

Thank ancient gods for landlines, Belle thought. Though perhaps Bae was resourceful enough to lay his hands on Robert's cell phone if needed.

'Okay, Bae. Go back to your room. I'm coming.'

'I'll see you from the window and then I unlock the door,' Bae said. 'Bye, Belle.'

'Bye, sweetie.'

Belle sighed, worried, but she couldn't help the feeling of admiration for Bae's smartness.

* * *

Belle hurried through the dark road, bundled in twice as much clothes as usually to fend off night's cold. Somehow she managed to sneak out avoiding anyone's attention and she was immensely grateful for that. She really wouldn't want to explain herself.

She forced herself to not run, she didn't want to make her damned throat even more sore. And yet, beside being worried about Robert, she felt good. She was needed in a way she didn't experienced often. Her dad and friends rarely or never needed her support like that. All her life Belle wanted to be doing something important, and while big things like journalism and making a difference with her public voice reaching many people were great, she learned that small things that make a difference for a few close persons were wonderful as well.

When she hopped up the few steps to the house's entrance, the door opened with a small squeak. She was greeted by Bae, nervous and excited, practically vibrating with emotions.

'Papa is upstairs. But he's not asleep, I can hear him.'

Belle kneeled and gathered Bae into a solid hug.

'Don't worry, sweetie. I'll take care of him.'

Bae threw his arms over her neck. It was so sweet in itself that Belle all the more felt like she didn't want to leave this place ever again. Or rather, that for the next trip in the next year, she was definitely taking both Bae and Robert along.

'Okay, Bae, now go back to sleep, okay? Will you manage to fall asleep now that I'm here to talk with your papa?'

Bae thought for a moment.

'Yes,' he nodded. 'But you must also hug him, not only talk.'

'Oh absolutely. I promise I will, a lot.'

'Then okay.'

'Call if you need anything, okay?'

'Okay.'

They went together upstairs and Bae disappeared into his room, closing doors behind himself. At the same moment doors on the opposite side of the corridor opened revealing bewildered and disheveled Robert.

'Belle? I thought I've heard something though the house's normal creaking, but... How did you?...'

'Bae called me and let me in,' Belle explained shortly. 'He was worried about you.'

'Oh...' Robert looked down, hiding beneath his hair and taking a step back. Belle quickly came closer.

'I think it's amazing how you two care about each other. And I'm glad that he thought I can help too.'

Robert shook his head.

'He shouldn't worry this much. I told him I'm okay...'

'But apparently you're not that okay,' Belle said gently, reaching to push his hair out of his eyes. 'Let's talk, okay?'

'Okay... I'll make tea?'

They went downstairs together. Making a tea took only a few minutes spent not on talking but on standing close to each other and helping with the preparations.

'Maybe let's go upstairs?' Belle suggested. 'You'll be more comfortable. You'd be cold here in just your pajamas.'

For a moment she thought he'd protest, but then he nodded and they went back to his room. There was only one chair, but Belle placed herself on the bed and gently prodded Robert to go beneath the duvet.

'It will be more cozy like that,' she smiled. She wasn't sure if he agreed or if he complied only out of tiredness. And he looked tired, with red rimmed eyes and faint tear marks on his cheeks. Belle wanted only to hug him, which she promptly did, as soon as he deposited his tea on a nightstand. In fact, she pushed herself all the way onto bed, taking place above the sheets against the headboard. The bed was a double one, no doubt left from the time when Milah lived here.

Robert didn't protest her embrace, he even curled himself up to her, with his head against her shoulder. She could see that he is frowning and blushing, but the fact that he sought her comfort was optimistic. For some time she contented herself to caress his hair with one hand and to sip her tea from the cup held in the other. It was doing wonders for her throat as well.

'Belle, I'm sorry,' he said at last. 'For all of this.'

'No need,' she murmured. 'I'm glad to help. But maybe you can explain to me what you think? I don't really understand what makes you so sad. And I want to understand to help and to not harm.'

Robert sighed.

'It just... Some things reminded me of others. And then I went on to behave like...' he made a weak gesture with his hand and sighed again. 'Like an awful child.'

'Well, you didn't threw any tantrums. I'm sure I would notice, or Bae would tell me.'

'But he had to call you. I made him this worried, when it's me who he should be able to go to with his worries, not the way around.'

'I don't think you did him any harm by this,' Belle said seriously. 'And from what I've seen so far, since I know you two, he really can and do go to you with his worries. What's more he didn't try to help you by himself but trusted me with this.'

Robert smiled a little.

'For this I am very grateful. Very, very grateful. And for you being here for him and for me.'

'I'm grateful for this too. It gives me a lot to be able to help.'

Robert shook his head.

'It's... really?'

'Yes, really. Why wouldn't it?'

'Well...' he stammered. 'It's... It's not so easy for me. I... I told you that already, when Jefferson... It's not easy or obvious, and I rarely have a satisfaction out of helping someone.'

'You're helping me, sweetheart,' Belle whispered. 'I am so much happier since I met you, since we are together. You gave me so much happiness.'

His breath hitched and Belle saw a few tears escaping his eyes.

'Sweetheart?' she cooed. 'Are those happy tears or sad tears?'

In response, he buried his head in her chest, giving her only a split of second to put her tea on the second, empty nightstand. Then she had her arms full of sobbing Robert and she hoped that Bae wouldn't be too worried, or even better that he already was sleeping soundly and wouldn't be hearing any of this.

* * *

When Robert's sobbing eased a little Belle decided it's time to prod him to talk. In between of cuddles and kisses of course, so he would feel safe explaining to her what was going on.

'Sweetheart? Please, tell me what are you thinking? What made you cry?'

'I'm sorry...' Robert sniffed. 'Oh God, what must you think of me now...'

She squeezed his hand.

'Nothing bad, I assure you. Really. I'm just worried.'

Robert frantically shook his head.

'No, please, don't be.'

'You just cried on my shoulder like your heart was breaking. There's no option but to worry. Sweetheart, what is wrong?'

Now he shifted, pulling completely out of her arms. He sighed heavily, avoiding her eyes and looking like he wanted to do anything else but talk.

I'm... But... If I tell you... It's ridiculous, really.′

She gently touched his cheek.

'It's not ridiculous if it made my sweet boyfriend cry.'

'Oh Belle...' he sighed, looking up at her with wide, if red, eyes. 'It's... I was afraid. Of... of so many things that I don't know where to start. Things regular people aren't afraid of. And that make me... No, not make. But because of that I'm...'

'Yes, sweetheart?' Belle prompted gently.

'I'm making you take care of me, when it's me who should take care of you.'

'Well, it's not mutually exclusive, you know?'

He shook his head.

'It's not okay for me to only take, without giving back. And here we are, Bae was worried, you had to come here in the middle of the night despite being ill, and I still run with the occasion to cry on your shoulder as if I didn't know better. I... I wouldn't be surprised if you decide you don't... don't want...'

Belle hugged him closer, not allowing him to even think of putting any more distance between them.

'I am glad to help you, remember? You don't have to feel bad about it. You are taking care of me just as well. You're making me tea, you're worried, you offered to call GP...'

'No, Belle,' Robert cut in. 'That's the point, I did the, ah, practical things, but I'm scared...'

'Scared? Of what?'

He shut his eyes, blushing in embarrassment.

'I'm no good at taking care of anyone. I'm amazed day after day that I didn't mess up taking care of Bae. He's the only one with whom I'm not that scared. Somehow him being my child makes it all so right. But with everyone else, with you too, sweetheart, it's like a... minefield and far too much pressure to know what to do. And even if I knew, it still is scary to actually do. I'm more scared that you'll get hurt than really getting around to support you. I'm so sorry...'

Belle reached out and brushed the hair from his forehead.

'Oh dear... But if you didn't tell me, if you weren't acting scared, I wouldn't think that anything's amiss with your support for me. I don't mind telling you what I need, in fact I think it always helps. Right now I don't need anything more but warm tea and warm man to cuddle with. And you're giving me both.'

Robert was silent for some time, probably processing it all.

'Milah...' he said at last, 'wouldn't be so forgiving. She was angry when I failed to do what she wanted. At first it wasn't that bad. It got much worse... later. I tried not to show her how scared and guilty I feel, but she knew. And I'm not good at hiding, you saw it yourself. I tried, but... as I said, I'm no good at it.'

'She sounds awful. I think I really don't like her, and that's understatement.'

Belle remembered also Milah's talk with Graham. No, she really didn't like the woman.

'Well... it's not so bad with Milah,' he said and continued in spite of Belle's indignant snort. 'I don't think I ever loved Milah. I liked her, I admired her, later I feared and detested her. But that made it easier. I already didn't like her. I could feel less scared and guilty because of that.'

'Did you feel guilty when I told you I have sore throat?'

'Yes. And scared that I can't help. I know it's irrational, but I was scared as if it was something much worse. And then even more scared when you were telling me not to worry, that you've had worse...' his voice trembled.

'It really is just a sore throat. I would tell you if it was something worse.'

'You would?'

The surprise in his voice was almost ridiculous.

'Why wouldn't I?'

'Because...' he fell silent. 'Why would you?' he finished lamely.

'I feel a bit lost, sweetheart,' Belle admitted. 'But I guess you mean that I perhaps could pretend I feel better than I do to not worry you?'

'Er... yes. Something like that, yes.'

'And you wouldn't like that?' Belle clarified.

'I prefer to know... I can't do much, but if I don't know...'

'Then you can't help at all?'

'Yes,' he said meekly.

'Okay. But you do believe me when I say it's just a sore throat?'

He blushed again.

'I... have trouble to believe when people tell me such things. People lie... I know you're not lying,' he added hastily, 'and yet...'

'Did Milah do that?' Belle asked. It didn't seemed like something Milah would do.

'Not exactly,' Robert cringed. 'She sort of implied that something is wrong and I should do something. But just as often she was telling me directly what to do. She might not be satisfied with result, but at least I didn't have to try to outguess her.'

'It sounds awful anyway. I swear, I won't do that. If I do, you can tell me to stop straight away. Okay?'

Robert nodded.

'Belle, I'm sorry,' he said again. 'You still shouldn't...'

'What, take care of you? Sweetheart, please, I am doing just what I want to do. You're not forcing me.'

'But what fun you can have with me?'

'A lot,' Belle smiled and pulled him closer. She cursed inwardly that just at this moment her throat chose to act up. When she finished coughing, Robert was looking at her with fresh tears in his eyes, as if he was the one who almost spit out his lungs.

'Robert...' she croaked. He shook his head violently.

'I'm sorry, Belle. I don't know what's wrong with me. It... it just... maybe it just was so much time since I had someone beside Bae to care for. I feel like something's crashing down. And you're leaving so soon!'

'Come here,' she pulled him closer again, for a moment not talking to not trigger another coughing fit. She just rocked him, relieved that he melted into her with no resistance. Indeed, beside Bae he didn't have a person this close in years. From what she observed, his friends, Jefferson and Whale, were rather distant friends, more like colleagues. He wasn't really friends with Emma's parents too, and they had yet to visit Henry Mills or his daughter. Milah was a complicated relationship at best. No wonder the sheer change, as welcomed as it was, was also a big strain on him. And now she had to leave for so long! Even the customary thought of 'murdering' Gaston wasn't comforting.

'Baby, I'll be back. I won't leave you permanently. I'll be back. And we'll talk on the phone in meantime. I promise.'

'It seems too good to be true...' he whispered into her hair.

'It might seem so, but it is true. And I'm still here tonight. We can talk. We can hug. We can kiss. And so on. Whatever makes you feel better and more sure I'm with you for good.'

'You really want me like that, Belle? I feel like falling apart. I'm so scared and I don't understand half of it.'

'I'm sure. Talk to me then. Maybe we'll understand it together?'

'I... I never talked about... anything like that really.'

Right, who would he talk with. Belle hugged him harder.

'I won't make you. I just thought it might help to make things more understandable.'

'Well, then... I felt like choking when I was watching you at the dinner. I wanted you to immediately feel better. I'm so sorry I made you leave... When I went back home I suddenly realized that there is no way you would want me after that. That's when I locked myself in my room and Bae heard me crying.'

He wasn't looking at her, still having his nose buried in her hair, and Belle just thought she loved the closeness. Then she truly realized what he just told.

'Sweetheart, it's not enough to chase me away. You're stuck with me.' She rubbed his back. 'Stuck, do you hear?'

'Even if I'm... such a mess?'

'Even then. It's my mess too now.'

He pulled away a bit, looking at her as if checking if she is serious. Then he relaxed, apparently satisfied.

'I still feel bad for behaving that way, Belle. I shouldn't have, I'm sorry.'

'Well, if it was something you really needed to do... You looked pretty spooked back then. Maybe it would be good to talk about that?'

He sighed.

'I thought you might have been pretending that you feel better than you did so I won't worry or... or so you could feel more in control.' His voice trembled. 'And it made me feel scared and helpless. It's hard enough to help as it is, but when people lie to you it's even harder. It might be impossible as well, but you won't know it. And then you're too late. And it's still your fault. Especially when you realize that they were helping you when they were already so weak, sacrificing for you...'

He was getting worked up, so Belle rubbed his arm soothingly.

'You mean... like your aunts?' she asked carefully, quietly. She remembered what he told her on the island.

Robert nodded miserably.

'I guess... And my mother. When you didn't want to eat... for some reason I remember her not eating after rows with my father. It was such a long time ago, Belle... But she was always... she was always telling me not to worry and thanking me for my concern. Telling me that I'm doing so much just being her little, sweet boy who hugs her. Sometimes I believed her. Sometimes I saw how unhappy she is. Sometimes she was telling me how unhappy she is and thanked me for being here, because otherwise she wouldn't have anything.'

'It must have been exhausting...' Belle murmured, kissing his hair.

'She and aunties tried to be strong.' Robert continued with a pensive look, as if being miles away in his head. 'Better than this unfair world. It was like a silent revenge but also an accusation and a source of pride. Aunties didn't have an easy life too. They lived through much more misery and poverty than we can imagine.'

And no doubt they were retelling it a lot, Belle thought uncharitably. For little Robert it must have sounded like a reproach. No wonder he felt guilty.

'You are a strong woman too, Belle. I admire you so much, you know?'

She couldn't help but smile, even if he said it in a melancholic tone, still deep in his memories and clearly very tired.

'Thank you, sweetheart. But I suspect you underestimate yourself.' He started to shook his head, but she didn't let him voice any protest. 'Just my opinion. I'm not going to argue it. But allow me to have it, okay?'

He sighed and nodded halfheartedly.

'I was glad to be at school when auntie Mary fell ill,' he whispered, seemingly in non sequitur. 'I was glad to leave that in auntie Flora's hand, I thought she's so much more capable than me. But in the end I lost precious time that was left for auntie Mary, and auntie Flora was angry at me because it was harder on her than I thought. Harder than she thought. She was always the more energetic and strong one out of the two and I could see how it hurt her to fail, to let auntie Mary die, even if it couldn't have been helped. I tried to tell her to be easier on herself, but I barely could stammer a sentence. It felt choking... '

'Choking?'

'Helpless... I couldn't do anything and that was my aunt, the only family left, the only person left that cared about me. And I couldn't help her!'

Robert was crying again. No doubt it was the very first time he told another soul about it. It was amazing really, and Belle felt honored to be the one he trusted with it. She hoped it would help him heal.

'It sounds very difficult, sweetheart.'

He shook his head.

'It shouldn't,' he protested. 'I bet any other person could do it. I know you would be able to do that amazingly. Like now, for me... It's just me who's weak and ineffective.'

'No, I don't think so. We all have some weak points. Yours just happen to be this. But believe me, it's not the whole you...'

'But it got her killed. Like...' he stopped, for a moment bearing a horrified expression, quickly forced away, but Belle was sure there was something more. Was it why he didn't exactly deny being murderer?

'Sweetheart, it wasn't your fault that she died. Wasn't. You did what you could. Maybe it wasn't enough, or maybe no one could help at all. But you didn't kill her.'

He blushed again, nodding and avoiding her eyes like a scolded child.

'I just know I'm not good at this, Belle,' he said. 'Never was. It didn't change anything when I tried to take care of mom, to tell her she's not a bad wife or mother, that things aren't her fault, so why would that be different?'

Indeed, why? Belle realized that she is crying herself and discreetly wiped her tears to not cause more distress to Robert. He might have thought he was hurting her after all.

'And all of them died, Belle...' Robert whispered.

'Oh my sweetheart...' Belle hugged him and rocked him and kissed his hair. 'It must have been very difficult. No wonder you're afraid now.'

Robert hugged her back, hiding his face on her arm.

'I hope now we can do things the way it wouldn't be scary,' Belle said. 'I promise to tell you what I need, and to ask you what you need. I won't lie. I understand you need to know what's going on, but I also wouldn't want to scare you or make you do too much. But I promise to tell you about all important things. Without needles sacrifices. You know, with your aunties and mom, you were their child. But now we're equal. We'll take care of each other.'

Robert shifted, so she would hear what he wanted to talk.

'And you're not angry, Belle? Not angry for me... enjoying having you here and crying to you? For being glad that now I am helped and feeling it's high time for this. Because part of me thinks so. Are you not angry about my self-pity?'

'Not at all. You're not hurting me. And I don't think it's really the self-pity. You need some long overdue comfort. There's nothing wrong with that.'

She stole a quick kiss on the lips and felt satisfaction seeing how it made him smile bashfully.

'I don't know how to do things better, Belle,' he warned her. 'I'm afraid to trust my instincts, they feel too selfish. And I told you already that I don't believe readily other people because they may lie for so many reasons they have to sacrifice themselves or just to not care about themselves...'

'We'll manage,' she kissed him again. 'One step at a time. I don't demand you to change your whole view of the world this night. I think for this night, we can just cuddle and sleep? Or do you want to talk some more?'

Robert looked half asleep already and she started to feel so too even with adrenaline still coursing in her veins. When he nodded and smiled saying just 'sleep', she quickly divested herself of her pants and sweater, sneaking under the covers and back into Robert's embrace. He seemed completely asleep by now, but still curled up to her, again not resisting her nearness. She was looking forward to many more sleeps like this in the future.


End file.
